Perhaps I should clarify...

Some have asked if I wrote the quote below. Regrettably, I did not. I wasn't quite sure if author Jan Meyers wrote it, but most likely it was penned by her dear heart. In order to give her due credit, I've picked out some quotes from her book "The Allure of Hope: God's Pursuit of a Woman's Heart" to share with you. These are important truths that speak volumes about how I feel, and if we are honest with ourselves, how we all feel from time to time.

"...hope is something that rises up inside of us with a gentle strength that requires a response."

"Our longing to die, to suffer the loss of self, to relinquish all we hold in our control--this is abandonment to the Spirit. This is worship."

"In our fear that no one will speak on our behalf or protect us or fight for us, we start to re-create both ourselves and our role in the story."

"We quietly question whether there is enough loveliness in us to keep others engaged with our hearts."

I often wonder if I am captivating enough, lovely enough, strong enough to keep the interests of others. I have to believe that I am because God hasn't stopped pursuing me, or loving me. It's in those clear and heavy moments of lonliness that I find His stillness. I am trying to control while He is trying to teach me to give it up and just hope, knowing that my desires are meaningful, but they are nothing apart from Him. Entering into heartache and suffering is not fun, but it allows us to be set free into the beautiful act of worship. Will you meet me there?

"We are far more disciplined than we are at rest, far more committed than winsome, far more nice than passionate, far more dutiful than free. Far more weary than filled with hope."

The First Fall Experience of '06

Yesterday, I traveled to New Harmony, IN to experience that Fall beauty I wrote of earlier. I did happen upon some beautiful flowers and interesting houses from the 1800s, but the orange, yellow, brown and green colours I saw on my drive up there were quite scarce in this historic Indiana town. I did, however, manage to capture some beauty on my camera.















Pink Flower I caught in a garden













Sidewalk Leisure










I caught a glimpse of sunlight through the leaves











Fall Tree in my parent's backyard

Thoughts and Reflections that Led Me Here

For the past year I have thought about counseling. I have a passion for people's hearts and I want to fight for them fiercely. So what to do with this desire? I feel like I've ran away from it for fear of trying something new. But recently I realized how much I let my fears drive me and to be honest, I'm just sick of it. Actually, it made me quite angry, but that's good. It takes courage to change when you know it's the right thing to do. God calls us to action, not passivity.

And so I find myself here, at this stage in my life, where I'm ready to stop waiting. I want to help teenagers through those rocky years of growing up and understanding who they really are, and a great place to do that is within the school system. I have done some research online for guidance counseling and my heart takes so much joy in thinking that my gifts will be used. It's an exciting discovery, and a scary one, as well. But if I just to continue to sit here, sitting on an old recliner I got for $25, typing away on a computer that I don't own, I'm not going to make it. I'm going to be a woman who never takes action after examining her own heart, and that's what kills the soul. I have learned so much in the past year alone about who I am as this woman and she's no longer the passive, weak girl who is too afraid to show passion or strength. I will fight for the things and the people in my life that matter, and I will not let my fears dictate my journey. I will be courageous and strong, and I will be God's Lovely, for He has named me so.